My Connections to Play

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.  ~Bill Vaughan

When children pretend, they’re using their imaginations to move beyond the bounds of reality. A stick can be a magic wand. A sock can be a puppet. A small child can be a superhero.

Fred Rogers

This week's focus is play.  In my own childhood, play was part of every day life.  I grew up in a neighborhood full of children my age and we would leave our homes early in the morning with only the instruction from our parents of "Be home by dark."  Even then, we would often end up having impromptu sleepovers or late night games at someones house.  My family was one that played cards every time we gathered for an event.  I learned Canasta and other complex card games at an early age and have the fondest memories of sitting around a table, not a television!  Truth be told, our family was the last in my peer group to have a color television and our old black and white had lost its knobs so we turned the channel with a wrench!  We also had the privilege of having family in Door County, WI, where nature was our playground.  We would disappear into the woods behind my grandma's house for hours, building forts and throwing rocks down at the shore of Green Bay.

This is my cousin Amy.  We are about 2 years apart in age and we were very close growing up.  Even though she and her family lived in WI, our families made a point to visit several times a year for holidays or long weekends at a hotel.  In middle school, we began the tradition of spending a month or two during the summer at each other's houses.  We'd take turns and have the best time playing all day, going to the pool, the parks, and pretending the most amazing adventures.  One time, we packed up our Cabbage Patch babies and some snacks and went to my mom's car that was parked in the garage.  We were going to Florida and we took turns "driving".  I don't know exactly how long we were in that car, but it is a memory that we talk about when we get together to this day!

Play today is grounded in the same principles, but because times have changed, play has changed.  There is a greater fear of the environments in which children play, so often parents are not willing to allow them to go out on their own.  The presence of technology and video games has changed the way children interact with one another.  There is less imaginative play and more competitive play.  There is a greater focus on academics early in life and so children are losing the opportunity to apply knowledge they are gathering in school to real life situation.  It breaks my heart to hear of 4 and 5 year old children that are over scheduled and go from school to dance or soccer, instead of home to play with their family or to the park.  Those activities have their place in a child's life, but I feel that parents think it is a better use of their time to be in an organized event instead of simply hanging out in the backyard looking for bugs or going to the park after dinner. In an article by Kenneth Ginsburg, he discusses the pressures parents feel to make sure their child is prepared for school and life and that the concept of "building a resume" for the college admissions process through both academic and other activities is starting at younger ages (Ginsburg, 2007).  My hope for young children today is that they find joy in what they choose to play and that families realize that it is the time they spend together, not necessarily the activities they choose that makes the greatest impact.  A secure, empty car, two dolls and some snacks were all Amy and I needed for hours of imagination and fun.  The other piece that I hope parents begin to realize is the they do not always need to facilitate their child's play.  Children are so capable of creating worlds of play on their own or with a close peer that will make lasting memories.

As you can see, play has been part of my life because my family saw the value in it.  As much as we protested about that old black and white television, the fact that my dad refused to change and often required us to go outside and play or help with a project has made a great impact in my life.  As an adult, my family still sees the importance of play and relaxing.  We go on a vacation at least once per year and my cousin Amy and I still get together often (though we do not go to Florida with our dolls anymore)!

Reference:

Ginsburg, Kenneth R. (2007).  The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds. American Academy of Pediatrics, 119, 182-191. doi:10.1542/peds.2006-2697.

Relationship Reflection

This week we have been exploring and discussing the importance of relationships and partnerships in the field of early education.  We know that building a relationship with the child is only part of the equation that makes the time spent in the classroom successful.  When we partner with families we gain a better understanding of where the child comes from and how best to tailor their learning.

In my own life, I have several significant relationships.  Some have shaped who I am as a person and some have influenced who I am as a professional.  All of them have their own significant meaning and as I reflect on a few of them here, I am reminded of the ways in which each of them came in to my life or how I entered theirs.

My family has played a significant part in who I am, both as a person and a professional.  My older sister and I were not close growing up.  We are four years apart and to say that we had a rivalry as children would be an understatement.  It was only after we had both been to college and back that we became close.  She is extremely bright and I go to her for advice or answers for most everything I encounter.  We have had to work on our relationship as I believe the rivalry we had scarred us.  We are very different in many ways and disagree about many things, however we have learned that we can disagree and still continue the conversation.  We spend time on vacations together, with my mom.  The three of us are very close as it has been just the three of us since my dad passed away almost 17 years ago.  That was a difficult time that I believe brought my mom and I closer together.  My dad and I were always close, but when he died I relied on my mom for so many more things.  It is interesting to look back and think about the ways you are influenced by your family and that you will never have that time back.  The relationships within a family are often complex and you are tied together forever so it is important to reflect on where you have come from to see where you are going.

(From left to right: me, sister Jen, mom Linda)

I was never the girl that had a large group of friends.  I have always had a small group of close friends and, to this day, I wouldn't trade that for anything.  I think it is because I invest time in each relationship that I value so I only end up with a few!   My best friend from high school and I are still so close.  She is still single (like me) and we feel bonded in that way.  She and I have not always seen eye to eye on things and have taken time away from one another, but we always seem to come back and pick up where we left off.  She is one person that I can say anything to and has been there for me through so many things.  She knows when I need space and I know when she does.  This has occurred over a long period of time and so I think that it has been those challenges that we have worked through and not given up the relationship over that has allowed us to remain such close friends.

My best friend from college and I have had a similar journey.  We were never roommates in college, but when I bought a house after college she moved up to Minneapolis from her small town.  It was difficult for both of us to be on our own, but we figured it out together.  We met new people and had fun living our post-college lives.  After several years, I was ready to live on my own and so she moved out.  It was not easy for me to talk to her about it, but she understood.  It was awkward and uncomfortable and after she moved out we didn't talk or see each other for over a year.  Finally we reconnected and began spending more time together.  We traveled to New York and California together and established our post-living together friendship.  She has a degree in the early childhood field and, though she is not using it, she supports my work and asks about the master's program I have started.  She has always been someone that I can go to about challenges I am having at work and she offers sound advice because she understands.  This is another example of a relationship that went through its challenges, but was not left behind.

(From left to right: Cheri (college best friend), me, Colleen (high school best friend))

In each of these relationships, there were times that things were difficult and it was through these experiences that I learned that these individuals were people that I could rely on. In my professional life, I can see this process happening frequently, whether it be with an employee that does not agree with a policy or practice or a family that is unhappy with the service they are receiving.  Investing time and space allows each side to think carefully about the best interest of the child and, through further discussion, a common ground can often be found.  There will be times that disagreements occur and may not be reconciled, but that does not mean that the relationships should be abandoned.  When partnering with families, there is most often always a way to meet in the middle and act in the best interest of the child.  As with personal relationships, partnering with families takes time and effort and the construction of the relationship does not happen quickly.  It must be cultivated slowly and with sensitive guidance.