When I think about conflict that I have experienced with colleagues or someone in my personal, I tend to analyze each attempt at communication and all of the verbal and non-verbal exchanges. Recently, I experienced a miscommunication with a friend of mine. We made tentative plans and then they fell through. I communicated that I was fine with the change of plans, but truthfully I was disappointed. We still ended up have a nice time together, but it evolved into several days of passive aggressive exchanges and overall awkwardness. What I learned through that experience is that I need to be truthful about my feelings in the moment and I need to verbalize them. I also need to let go of the analysis of each and every exchange. I tend to over think the communication and all of the subtle nuances that go along with it. The "R" that I definitely need to work on after reflecting on this particular incident is responsive. When I get frustrated with someone and experience conflict of any kind, I find that I shut down and hope that the other person will facilitate the solution to the problem.
Here is my question for others: In our professional environments, how do we handle the ongoing need to motivate and coach others on the importance of quality and responsive care? Often I find that I feel like I have effectively trained or communicated about a concept only to observe that there may not have been as much comprehension as I had planned.
Katherine, it is definitely a challenge we face when we shut down and hope that the other person will facilitate the solution to the problem. When emotions are involved, it is interesting how sometimes everything we know goes out the window and we find ourselves responding differently than we'd hoped. Emotions can be blinding. I have found that it is important to let the emotions pass, and only then to talk it and help to bring a clearer understanding of the situation. When we try to talk it out when emotions are hot, that is usually when we may say something we'll later regret.
ReplyDeleteKatherine,
ReplyDeleteI have found myself shutting down and waiting on the other person to facilitate the solution to the problem many times, but when this doesn't work, I think that's when it's time to debate the issue at hand, exchange more ideas, and reach a better decision. Sometimes, the way we comprehend a subject is not the same as someone else will. Maybe if we give each other a chance to voice their opinions, we will be able to see if we are effectively communicating the issue at hand.
Katherine,
ReplyDeleteI founded myself in that same place a few months ago. I was so hurt because i had my heart set on going to Atlanta for the weekend even though the plans were tentative. I did not deal with it the way we are studing this week. I'm happy that this class is teaching me how to become an effective communicator.